Another 'don't mess with old folks...'

[Jae Williams]

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of Chicago's most expensive hotel.


When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."


The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."


'But I didn't use them," she said.


''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas performing here," the Manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"

The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is only made out for $50.00." '
'That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."


Don't mess with Senior Citizens

[Gary Oleski]

Thanks Jae!

[Mark A. Timpani, CMI]

very nice

[Jeffrey R. Pope]

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick.

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack. "Dang! " A Bad Skydiver Goes, " Dang!" Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

Now, admit it - at least one of these made you smile.

Support bacteria.They're the only culture some people have.

[Joseph A. Ferry]

How do you make a slow horse fast? Stop feeding him.

[Mark A. Timpani, CMI]

good one guys!!