Inspectors: Do You Take Pride in Your Ride? (humor)

by Nick Gromicko and Kate Tarasenko
 
 
At InterNACHI, we're all about professionalism.  Our inspectors uphold a Code of Ethics.  We offer them tips on marketing, professional-looking reports, and even personal appearance and attitude on the job.  We know that the devil is in the details, and the more you pay attention to these, the more your reputation is enhanced for the better.  Any business owner knows that a good reputation leads to more business.  Word-of-mouth is marketing you don't have to pay for, but the trick is to make sure that word is positive.
 
And that brings us to your work vehicle.  Most InterNACHI inspectors take pride in their ride.  But there are those who may not realize that the vehicle they use to get to the job sites -- and stow their tools, take care of paperwork, grab a quick lunch, and maybe even take the kids (and half their team) to Little League practice and then out for ice cream afterward -- can say volumes about an inspector's professionalism, or lack thereof. 
 
So, if you're forgetting that your all-purpose, home-away-from-home is usually the first thing that your client sees as you're pulling up to their residence, you might need to head for the first car wash you find (and maybe throw down some extra cabbage to get the interior of your office-on-wheels detailed, too) before you give your clients the wrong impression.  If they see that your ride is shabby, what will they think of your services?
 
And if your radar is so off that you need some clues, here are some semi-serious signs* (with much affection for our members south of the Mason-Dixon Line) that, based on your vehicle, may indicate that you might just be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
Could a Client Find You on This List? 
 
1.  If you went out for a few beers after work yesterday and forgot to drop off your brother-in-law, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
2.  If the baby's at home, but the baby's car seat is in your back seat, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
3.  If your bumperstickers outnumber your InterNACHI decals, and any of them have the following messages: 
  • "We Do Precision Guesswork";
  • "Gun Control is a Steady Hand";
  • "Palin in 2012 (till 2014½)"; 
  • "Advice is Free But the Right Answer Will Cost You";
  • "Nice Truck.  Sorry About Your Penis";
  • "God Loves You.  Everyone Else Thinks You're a Jerk";
  • "Keep Honking.  I'm Reloading";
  • "OBAMA = One Big-Ass Mistake, America";
  • "Bacon:  The Candy Bar of Meats"; or
  • "My Kid Had Sex With Your Honor Student";
you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
4.  If you finally cleaned out your truck and can erect this with what you found inside:
 

 you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
5.  If you get a little too creative with personalizing your truck, like this plumbing contractor did:
 
 
you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
6.  If you've avoided the car wash so long that your vehicle is beginning to resemble a Jackson Pollock painting,
 
 

 
 you might be a Redneck Inspekter. 
 
 
7.  If your personalized license plate is the one Dad made for you in prison, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 

 
 
8.  If you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
9.  If your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does, you might be a Redneck
Inspekter.
 
 
10.  If the Blue Book value of your truck fluctuates depending on how much gas is in the tank, you might be a Redneck Inspekter. 
 
 
11.  If the gas pedal in your truck is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
12.  If your tail light covers are made of red tape, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
13.  If your horn plays part of ANY song, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 

 
14.  If the duct tape and extra tarp in your truck is used exclusively for body repair, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
15.  If your lawnmower has more horsepower than your pickup, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
16.  If you've got a loaded shotgun mounted where your 6-foot ladder should be, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
17.  If you drive around during Halloween with a pair of those fake legs sticking out the back of your tailgate, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
18.  If you no longer HAVE a tailgate, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
19.  If you deliberately removed the rear window from your truck because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans into the bed that way, you might be a Redneck
Inspekter. 

 
20.  If you've spray-painted the upholstery inside your truck, taken a step back and said, "Dang, that looks brand NEW," you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
21.  If your gearshift involves a pair of vise grips, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
22.  If you keep a "Say No to Crack" bumpersticker inside your truck to remind yourself to hike up your pants, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
23.  If your clients can hear your truck half a block out before they can see it, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
24.  If you're driving the same truck that you were conceived in, you might be a Redneck Inspekter.
 
 
 
 
Finally,
 
25.  If you hop out of your truck and you look like this guy:
 

 

 you might be a Redneck Inspekter!
 
 
*with special thanks to the Internet, and to Rednecks everywhere!
 
 
 InspectorSeek.com
 
 
InterNACHI's Code of Ethics
Commercial Vehicles
Financing Commerical Equipment for Inspectors 
Inspection Business Sucess Tips 
Inspector Attire
Inspector Safety Equipment
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